As Cashmas Looms: Fortify Your Yummish Core

Cashmas, often shortened to $mas, has been defined by the senior member of the Yummish Council as

the primary holiday celebrated in capitalist cultures. Generally observed around the winter solstice, $mas is a celebration of materialism in which its celebrants attempt to flatter or impress relatives, friends and acquaintances with the extent of their purchasing power. (The "power to get".) $mas co-opts signs, symbols and sympathies from other religious holidays of the winter season to mask its foundation of conspicuous consumption. In the United States, where the holiday is most actively observed, $mas traditionally begins on "", that is, the day following Thanksgiving Thursday in November. Holiday observations traditionally end on Jan. 2, but may arguably be said to extend through "Super Bowl Sunday" of professional American football. This event can occur as late as the month of February.

Cashmas is in no way a condemnation of the Christmas holiday. The Yummish Council is all in favor of that nice Jewish hippie boy getting to celebrate his birthday in a big way. The Yummish faith calls for all to be celebrated and, if a few million people want to get together to mark the day selected to commemorate the birth of a guy who decided to blow off carpentry to go fishing for the rest of his life, it is absolutely fine with the Yummish.

Many Yummish celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Solstice, Festivus or a combination thereof, and find that these celebrations are effective at increasing their Yummish feelings, which is ultimately the point.

There are others, however, who find themselves growing tense and angry, feeling inadequate, or stressed and stretched beyond limit. These are the victims of Cashmas.

With traffic, crowds, high prices, rude staff, and other shoppers driven mad by the constant exposure to saccharine holiday music since early October, it is easy to get caught up in Cashmas. What may start as a deep and heartfelt desire to do something pleasant – give a gift, throw a party, travel to visit loved ones – can quickly devolve into something decidedly negative.

There is no guaranteed path to avoid the pitfalls of Cashmas, as it is so deeply ingrained in our culture. That is why it is important to keep yourself strong and ready for the task ahead. Below are some suggested means of fortifying your Yummish core during this perilous season:

* Treat yourself. Gifts are more meaningful when the giver is joyful in spirit, so when you take a moment to go get your toenails done, etc., remember that you are doing it not just for yourself, but for everyone on your gift list.

* Skip something. Let one task go. Strike it from your “to do” list and savor the feeling of relief in having one less thing to accomplish. Chances are that no one but you will even know.

* Drink hot chocolate. forgive me, but Starbucks has the best, with Tully's a close second. The Yummish Council has done extensive research in this area. (If HC is not your trip, substitute your own preferred indulgence.)

Remember, only those things that bring joyful feelings are truly in the holiday spirit.