Albany Crime Blotter Too Tempting to Pass Up

I tried to stay away from , but it just calls to me…

NOV. 11

7:10 p.m. Someone found "bills folded together" on the sidewalk on Santa Fe Avenue.

Would that be like phone or electric bills?

9:44 a.m. Someone stole mail from the .

If someone is that desperate to receive mail, I say let ’em keep it.

3:51 p.m. According to the University of California Police Department, someone stole clothing worth $10 out of a car.

So this person is filing a report and the cop asks what’s missing. The person can’t remember if it’s a jacket, a hat, or a sweatshirt? “Uh, I don’t know exactly what it was, but I’m pretty sure it was worth about $10…”

NOV. 12

3:43 p.m. A woman at the waterfront told police her dog was poisoned at McDonald's.

Listen, lady, if you let your dog eat at McDonald’s, that’s the risk you take.

NOV. 14

10:23 a.m. Someone reported the theft from a vehicle on Evelyn Avenue of $20 worth of change.

Think about it—how many coins does it take to make $20? That’s a lot of change to leave in your car. That much coinage would be heavy—it would drag you down and decrease your gas mileage. So the way I see it, whoever took the change was not only being environmentally conscious, but was doing the vehicle owner a favor.

5:38 p.m. A teacher and student walking along the waterfront reported "what appeared possibly to be a body underneath a blanket." Police investigated and found only a bundle of blankets.

Okay, first: someone’s been watching too much CSI. And second: Why was a teacher walking with a student along the waterfront? Was this a marine life tutorial?

10:18 a.m. Someone complained about people who had set up a booth in front of the post office and were asking people to sign a petition. Police did not take action because neither the sidewalks nor businesses were blocked.

10:44 a.m. A man with red-brown curly hair, wearing shorts and "high socks" "nearly ran over political signs" at the booth mentioned above, "then jumped out of his vehicle and started tearing up signs" of Obama with a Hitler mustache. He left westbound on Solano. Police caught up with him and gave him a warning.

Thank goodness the police caught him—men who wear shorts with high socks should not be allowed in public…

10:57 a.m. Someone broke a window and took items from a truck parked at the U.S. Department of Agriculture. 

Would those items be confiscated produce?

NOV. 17

2:06 a.m. A woman on Talbot Avenue reported that someone had turned on her water hose, and that she was afraid to go outside to turn it off. 

I don’t blame her—water is a powerful force. Have you seen the Grand Canyon?